tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35825597141960863712024-03-13T13:11:22.488-07:00Jean Shorts and FlannelAbout 6 years ago I left Canada. I plan on returning in August. I figure travelling down memory lane will ease the transition. Reverse culture shock here I come.Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00237807611098985773noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3582559714196086371.post-32076608793767699102012-09-12T14:11:00.001-07:002012-09-12T17:54:26.549-07:00Line Up, Pleeease!!<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://encrypted-tbn1.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSp_t2cmN3C3QgQD6kDbp8ymlduWfk4bM0FP9jbKoc-8F_wvAQy_Q" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://encrypted-tbn1.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSp_t2cmN3C3QgQD6kDbp8ymlduWfk4bM0FP9jbKoc-8F_wvAQy_Q" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I... am... happy!!! Yay!!!</td></tr>
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<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Back at the language school, with
less than two hours to go before my first interactions with the kiddies, I was
informed by my boss that the shoelace-like substance in my bun was in fact,
pork. My boss, to his credit, managed to stifle his laughter as he explained to the long term vegetarian that Thai people are not especially fond of plain things and often put meat in
the center of the bun to add a little flavour. </span></div>
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Craig, who was also in the
office, listened to our conversation with a smirk on his face and kindly
offered to take me out to dinner to P’roons. He knew the owners there and was
sure they could cook me something delicious and pork free. Craig's favor meant the world to me. Knowing where my
next meal was coming from enabled me to ignore the gnawing ache of hunger that was eating away at my stomach's burnt-out remains, and focus on the lesson I
was about to observe. I was
thankful for the noise from the arriving students drifting up the stairs, because it just managed to
override the hungry, looping growls from my stomach.</div>
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We quickly headed downstairs to greet the
students. There were 5 of us teaching at the language school, Craig, Ira, Bonnie, Jamie (fellow Canadian!) and I. I was supposed to be taking over my boss's class
so he could focus more on management duties. </div>
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We stepped out of the office and
into the heat wave of the hallway. I knew I was only observing today, but I was
still nervous to meet my future students. When I get nervous, I become a middle
aged construction worker, I begin to sweat and fart uncontrollably. I also get
sudden and undeniable urges to poo. I figure this is my body’s way of removing
me from a situation that my brain has deemed too stressful. However, the spicy
gruel of this morning’s breakfast thwarted my body's carefully constructed plan
because I was pretty sure that I had already let go of everything that was (or
had ever been) inside me. So, even when my brain tried to tell me I needed to
poo, I could over ride this order, secure in the knowledge that my stomach’s
contents had been effectively evacuated this morning.</div>
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We turned the corner in the
staircase and there they were. About 40 students stopped dead from the games they
were playing and stared up the stairwell. It took about 10 seconds before they
erupted. They each began shouting their individual teacher’s name and gathered
at the bottom of the stairs in a mob with hands outstretched. Ira was the
first to dive into the fray. He received a group hug from about 5 students.
Then he leaned back and face up at the ceiling he shouted “How are you?!” A sing song chorus of students shouted back,
“ I am happy!! Yay!!!” Then things settled down, as the majority of students
resumed their games and began watching cartoons on T.V again.</div>
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Two beautiful
pre- teen girls approached me and shyly asked my name. “My name is Victoria.”
“Ahhh,” they answered, “Wicdoria.” “What are your names?” I asked. “My name is
Pim “ the young lady on the right answered. Then the on the left perked up and
responded, “My name is Oum.” “Nice to meet you” I said. They chorused back at
me “Nice to meet you too!” then they drifted off to the corner of the lobby, presumably to discuss if the new teacher had passed the test.</div>
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Just from looking around the lobby
it was easy to tell that everyone has a distinctive teaching style. My boss and Jamie were the perfect mix of disciplinarian and clown. They goofed with the kids,
playfully bopping the younger students on the bottom and picking them up and
tossing them to the ceiling, while occasionally shouting at the older ones to
stop roughhousing.</div>
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Ira was just a goofball. He was engaged
in a wrestling match with four of the students and I could see his smile
beaming from under the doggy pile. Craig was a mellow teacher, he was sitting on a bench with the older students
watching T.V with them and sharing a snack that looked like long, yellow
shoelaces. (I was getting concerned about this fascination with shoelaces and
cuisine.) Bonnie was a comforting, motherly teacher. She sat down on the floor
with the more relaxed little ones and I smiled as I saw one of them lean their
head on her shoulder and the other put her hand on Bonnie’s knee. </div>
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Just then, my new boss paused the television and
bellowed “Line up, Please!” All the students rushed to the staircase and lined
up in front of their respective teachers. Game on.</div>
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Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00237807611098985773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3582559714196086371.post-61194012780348620902012-07-17T21:20:00.003-07:002012-09-12T13:51:10.488-07:00Dontcha put it in your mouth.......<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Angels singing.....</td></tr>
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Ring of fire. Seriously. My morning
gaff of speaking too harshly with my new boss had resulted in me finishing my
entire bowl of chili laced gruel as a form of apology. Now, 4 hours later, I was
sitting in my heat box sauna of a bathroom alternately pooing fire water and
being violated by the ass hose. It was an unpleasant way to start off my whole
‘try new things’ lifestyle.</div>
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( If new things result in fire poo, then new age
folks can have them, pass the mayo and ketchup please.) </div>
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As I sat on the toilet
giving the ass hose the evil eye I realized that I would have to stay true to
some of the old me. I was in this for the long haul (a YEAR at least!) and I
must pace myself. Staying strong and
healthy was probably the best way to keep being able to try new things, so I
decided to swear off spicy breakfast, and head to the 7-11 about a five minute
walk away. My new boss had taken pity on me and told me that they had bread and
banana muffins there, so I had decided to stock up.</div>
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It was hot. Not Canadian summer
hot, where you are so grateful to wear a t-shirt that happiness seeps out of
every pore, but Thailand hot where you are so scared to get caught in the sun, that you dash from shade spot to shade spot and sweat seeps out of every pore. The 7-11 was on the other side of the street
(of course!) so I had to engage in the crossing the street warfare yet again.
Luckily, I had been trained earlier that day. </div>
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I waited for a gap in the traffic
on my side of the road and bolted for the white divider line, and then I stood
firmly as the cars whizzed by and I waited for another gap. Once I had successfully reached the other side
of the street I was filled with an enormous amount of pride because I had done
it all alone. </div>
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(When I was planning my trip overseas I had visions of myself
mastering the Thai language, doing charity work, and generally taking Thailand
by storm, but since ‘effective street crossing’ had been added to my list, I
knew I would have to revise these goals.)</div>
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With the swoosh of an automatic
door and a blast of air conditioning, I knew I had found heaven. The staff
behind the counter greeted me with the standard, “Sawasdee Ka” and I floated
toward the aisles. It seemed like a very normal 7-11. Sure, it was missing a
few of the staples from back home, like nachos and good chocolate, and the chip
flavors had been altered for the eastern palate, but it was like a climate
controlled paradise. I grabbed a shopping basket and picked up the essentials
like a new toothbrush and toilet paper, then I moved on to the fun stuff. Food
shopping. </div>
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My stomach had finally calmed down after my breakfast of spicy rice
soup and I looked at the shelves of bread with a homesick longing. I carefully
selected two non-offensive looking buns and placed them in my basket. I also
grabbed a bottle of orange juice and some gum. I laughed again at the exotic
chip flavors, ranging from Spicy Dried Squid to Nori Seaweed, and then headed
for the cashier. It was such a relief to know that the prices were pre-set and I
would not have to do any of the haggling that the east is so famous for.</div>
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The check out went fine. The price
was clearly marked on the monitor and I merely had to hand over my money and
receive my change. I managed to say thank you in Thai and received a beaming
smile from the cashier. This was the
first task that I felt I had successfully conquered. I stepped back out onto
the street so full of confidence and happiness that I didn’t even mind the sun.
The glare suddenly seemed perfect because I felt so much brighter on the
inside. </div>
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I set off to meet my new boss at the language school, about a 10 minute
walk away, and reached into my bag to pull out the glorious bun. I first took a
few big chugs of orange juice and then I opened the bun from its plastic
packaging and took a small, savory bite. It was a little on the sweet side, but
it was heavenly bland.</div>
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I took another big bite and felt something dry, stringy
and furry in my mouth. Without caring about the other pedestrians watching the
sweaty farang on her walk, I spit the furry bit out into my hand. It
looked exactly as it had tasted; like dry, furry, thin, brown shoelaces. Damn
it. I tossed the barely eaten bun back into my bag and heading toward the
language school, no longer prancing in the sunshine, but instead darting again
from shadow to shadow.</div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://encrypted-tbn1.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT_NaYhfyw-JiPnBdz9_SACdUSSb2YVZ0DA4aBJYU1SsSfYbNNC" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dontcha put it in your mouth....<br />
Dontcha stuff it in your face....<br />
'Till you ask someone you love<br />
If it's okay to taste.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00237807611098985773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3582559714196086371.post-90231231718726378012012-07-09T23:45:00.001-07:002012-07-09T23:47:42.660-07:00Spicy Breakfast<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="data:image/jpeg;base64,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" style="background-color: white; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Thai oatmeal</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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</div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Entering the small restaurant I
noticed a slowly rotating ceiling fan. I am sure it was originally a cream color but the dust and spider webs had collected and turned it a grainy shade of brown. It’s drooping head and slow motion
reminded me of my own state of mind. The heat felt like a contagious fog that
had permeated every pore. </div>
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Breaking my intense bond with the slow motion ceiling fan, my boss cut in and asked,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“This is a rice soup breakfast place would you like
it with fish or with pork?” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Startled, I realized that I had yet to mention that
I was a 10 year vegetarian. “Don’t eat
the meat” I said and immediately regretted my casual response when I saw his face drop. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Ohh, ummm, okay. That makes things a little difficult. You
eat eggs? “ </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Yes, I do. I quite like them.” I hoped my over enthusiasm for eggs
and egg products would make up for the obvious disappointment of my no death
policy. </div>
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“Good then. You can have rice soup and egg.” My boss waved over a
waiter and ordered our soup in Thai. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“So,” I awkwardly broke in, “will my
vegetarianism be a problem in Thailand? I though the whole Buddist thing would
make it easier.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
My boss cleared his throat as he prepared to break my
Buddha bubble, “There are a few options for you but basically Thai Buddists
think of vegetarianism as something you do for a period of time, as a
cleansing, then you go back to the meat. I fear you will have limited options,
but there are plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables.”</div>
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“I am sure I can figure it
out!” I responded with a persistent cheerfulness that was even beginning to
irritate me.</div>
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The waiter brought over our soup
and placed it on the rickety plastic table. With instinctive Canadian courtesy
I responded, “thank you” and I received one of those famed Thai smiles. My boss put away
the array of training papers he had lain out on the table and then from the
center of the table he grabbed a tin and glass, four leaf clover shaped spice
holder. He proceeded to put a small spoonful of dry red chili flakes into his
soup and politely offer the spoon to me. I turned down the exotic looking
spoonful while explaining,</div>
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“I think I will take it very easy on the spice for
my first little while. I grew up on salt, pepper, ketchup and mayonnaise. I can
handle rice soup for breakfast, feels a little bit like porridge, but adding
hot peppers? My bowels are already screaming just looking at that little
spoon.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
My boss managed a smile but I saw some dismay in his eyes and I
realized that by talking about bowel movements at the breakfast table, I had
potentially compromised the instinctive Canadian courtesy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The soup did indeed remind me of
the stand-by camp breakfast of porridge, but it was missing the option of whole
cream, brown sugar or maple syrup. Instead, I had the option of dried red pepper flakes,
green and orange sliced peppers in a clear sauce, some kind of plain black
sauce as well as a black sauce complete with good-time floating peppers. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
None
of the options appealed to me at 8:30 in the morning. In fact, the concept of
eating spicy morning gruel when I already had a visible sweat line creeping
down my spine seemed downright sado-masochistic. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Spicy breakfast is a first for
me” I told my boss as I played the child’s game of ‘move your food around so
it looks like you are eating it’ (doesn’t work so well with rice soup, can’t
really rearrange it). </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“The food can throw many people at first but soon you
will come to love the spice and you will find that food without the spice
becomes quite boring.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“I suppose I might,” I replied as I noticed a few extra
drops of sweat appear on his brow every time he took another spoonful.
“but eating has never really been about pain for me. Spicy food is painful and
it makes me sweat more, so logically I am not very interested in it.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
My boss stopped eating and looked up at me with concern, “Victoria,
take a moment to remember that you are in Thailand and things will not always
be the same as where you are from, in fact, the way things are done here may
seem to defy ‘logic’ as you put it, but it is always best to try new things.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I returned my boss's gaze, thought for a moment, and then reached for a spoonful of the dried red
chilies, “I get the message.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://encrypted-tbn3.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR6r60Kh69JENnpc35KuONHkuaVQadvmrNyp2Ti1sWvvvHuGXoj" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Now be a good girl and add some chillies<br />
to your breakfast.<br />
(A phrase Mum never used when I was growing up.)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
</div>Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00237807611098985773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3582559714196086371.post-86102219658462400882012-07-03T20:35:00.002-07:002012-07-04T01:20:58.978-07:00How the farang crossed the street in Surat Thani.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://encrypted-tbn2.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT8t2vlBzP8XArFcNcs9H6ocroPMQ5jzSo8amMdWbi_Gn0H4St9LQ" style="background-color: white; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Take a deep breath, close your eyes and run.<br />
(maybe skip step 2)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Feeling grateful that I wasn’t
about to die, I got dressed quickly and cheerfully started walking to the end
of the alleyway, it was only 7:45 in the morning but the heat was
already in full swing. I walked in the shadows of buildings as much as I could,
only stepping into the sunshine to dodge the blue trash barrels where a cluster
of chickens now hovered under a haze of sun-drunk flies. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Those trash barrels seemed to support a lot
of life, flies and chickens during the day, rats and cockroaches at night and
mangy dogs at all hours. I continued past the trash barrels passing two faded
yellow, one story houses and an off white three story apartment complex that
had many pieces of re-bar sticking out the side. I stepped even further into
the shadows at the requests of a passing motorbike. The driver beeped his horn
to warn me, then waved and shouted “Hey You!” as he passed. I smiled back, unsure if I had just been
reprimanded for uncouth walking etiquette or merely greeted with a Thai version
of good morning. From the smile on the motorcyclists face I figured it was just
a kind greeting, although it did sound quite aggressive.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The end of the alley way spilled
out into the major street that my new boss and I had driven in on the day
before. There was a lot of traffic, mostly motorbikes and huge pick-up trucks,
which offered an interesting juxtaposition. It looked as if the pick-ups were
hunting the little motorbikes, waiting for the right moment to attack and crush
them. Amongst the fast moving pick-ups
and motorbikes there was also a lady in a wide straw hat, pushing a large cart
filled with ice and fruit. I recognized
watermelon and pineapple but couldn’t identify anything else. The fruit lady
smiled as she past me and said “Farang.” I had read about this word, used as a blanket term
for most foreigners. I wasn’t sure how to respond but shouting “Thai!” back seemed
a little uncouth so I just smiled at her and over her shoulder I noticed the boss's car pull over on the opposite side of the road. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
To get to my boss's car meant I had to
cross the busy street, which was even more confusing because the cars were
driving on the left hand side of the road. I stepped toward the edge of the curb,
shading my eyes from the sun and waiting for a break in the traffic. There would be an opening coming from the right hand side but then the other side was always flowing steadily. A couple of
times I saw a brief opening, figuring I could make it if I really ran, but in
the second it took me to decide if I was going to go for it, a motorbike would
shoot out from behind a slowly approaching car and force me back on to the
sidewalk. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
After 5 minutes of unsuccessful attempts, which felt more like 20
because I knew my new boss was watching me from behind his tinted windows, a
young man from the key making shop behind me stepped out onto the curb. He
didn’t say a word, merely motioned for me to follow him as he stepped out into
the street. We had an opening on our side of the street but the opposite side
was still flowing with traffic. The man just walked to the middle of the road
and then stopped. I stood next to him as cars, trucks and motorbikes flowed by
on both sides. We stood together, in the middle of 60 km/hour traffic, my heart
beating faster at every burst of wind from a passing vehicle. Then the traffic
cleared on the opposite side of the road and the man motioned for me to
cross. When I had safely reached the
sidewalk, I turned back to say thanks, but the man had already re-entered his
key shop.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I approached what I thought was the
passenger side door, only to see the tinted window roll down and my boss's smiling face. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“You expecting to drive?” he laughed good naturedly. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Sorry,
still getting used to all this.” I replied as I rushed to the other
side. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The air conditioner was on full blast and it felt like Freon heaven. “You have a good sleep?” my boss politely
asked.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Sure, the roosters were a little frustrating but I managed to catch a
few hours.” I replied. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
We drove toward
the restaurant in a comfortable silence. I watched the town pass by, marveling
at the amount of people that could fit on one motorbike and also at the
apparent anarchy that seemed to rule the road. My new boss swore softly under
his breath as a four door pick up truck cut directly in front of him, but we reached the restaurant safely and in less than 10 minutes.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I opened the car door to a wall
of heat and realized that Thailand won’t easily let you forget how far away
from home you are.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://encrypted-tbn1.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSrHUVLAEO5pGoJQb3YE1V7JQlMVUvpFyOo1lBb6JE5QnxdivBZ_w" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Heading to school.<br />
My Dad used to drop me off in a cop car,<br />
pretty sure his ticket finger would constantly be twitchy in Thailand!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
</div>Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00237807611098985773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3582559714196086371.post-54046234879568017962012-06-28T22:04:00.000-07:002012-07-04T01:21:19.392-07:00The Thai Cock Croweth<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://encrypted-tbn2.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRJRWp6l7b_zA3u1Q8Uq7z3gs6Ue1uawQYdvNFluoPhKDhLgV1h" style="background-color: white; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">That cock!!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Nothing can really prepare you for
waking up to your new life in a foreign country. I woke up to my alarm at 7:00
a.m. feeling displaced and irritated. I
had previously woken up at 4:30 to the barnyard sound of a rooster crowing. I laughed at the
thought of a rooster in the middle of a city, but figured it was only a logical
addition to the filthy cockroaches, kamikaze rats and x-mas bulb nipple dogs. I was exhausted and easily drifted back
to sleep. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Until 5:00 a.m. The damn cock was still crowing. I thought roosters
just did the one wake up call and then went to eat their grain or whatever it
is that roosters eat, but this particular rooster seemed to have a snooze button.
It went off every half hour for about 7 minutes straight. So, when my actual 7:00 a.m. alarm went off I was feeling very groggy and not at all well rested.
I had to take a minute or two to remember that I had moved halfway across the
world and my new boss was picking me up in an hour.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I went through the usual morning
routine. Toilet time, shower, get dressed and go. The first item on my itinerary went
smoothly. I even remembered that Thai toilets cannot handle flushed toilet
paper so I had set a plastic bag on the bathroom door for the used paper. I was
impressed with my forward thinking until I reached for the toilet paper and
realized there was none.There was not even a toilet paper holder. Dammit. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I turned my attention to the
hose next to the toilet. I had read about these fabled hoses before I arrived
in Thailand. Apparently Thai people use the ass hose instead of toilet paper.
Bidet style, except it is a hand held hose. I decided that even though I had had
a horrible sleep I was not going to let it ruin my Carpe Diem attitude that I
had promised myself to adopt in Thailand. I grabbed the hose, positioned it, and
then I pressed down the trigger button. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Holy Hell. I threw down the hose in
shock. The lack of serious water pressure from the shower had lulled me into a
false sense of security about the ass hose, but it seems that the plumber had
just re-directed all the pressure from the shower into the ass hose. The ass
hose had seriously violated me. Now, I am open to a lot of things, but I do
believe in asking permission, and here was this dirty, dirty ass hose just
going wherever he pleased without even asking my name. I kicked the hose to the
side, deciding we were no longer on speaking terms, and cleaned myself off in
the shower.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I used a lot of soap during that
shower because about half way through I remember that I had forgotten to ask
Craig about where to buy a toothbrush (or toilet paper for that matter). I finger brushed again and when I spat
on the floor (Not being gross, there is no sink.), I was alarmed to see a small
puddle of pinkish toothpaste froth pass between my bare feet and disappear down
the drain. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I had horrible visions of some Thai Vampire Spider having bit me in
the middle of the night and now the infected pustules were exploding, but I
assumed a bite from a Vampire Spider would hurt and I didn’t feel any pain. I
spat again and sure enough my spit was still the color of diluted blood. I
began to panic. Second day in Thailand and I would need to be admitted to a
Thai hospital. Dammit. Why didn’t I purchase that health insurance like my Dad
told me too? Why don’t I have a damn mirror so I can at least look inside my
mouth? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I sat down on the red plastic chair in my living room trying to take a
few deep breaths before I got dressed and knocked frantically on Craig’s door.
I looked at the moldy pillow and thought that maybe I had been infected by
fatal mold spores. Oh, god. I had seen a CSI about mold spores. They really can
be deadly. Why didn’t I take that damn pillow to Rat Town last night? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Then I
saw it. The inconspicuous, empty bottle of red wine sitting beside the pillow.
In my lazy, softly drunken haze I had gone to sleep without brushing my teeth.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://encrypted-tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTXJq0J1HhnLwy0xNwRYBv9xeDVw_py_xHH5DYuNiK5IfAUk4UHZw" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Eventually I would dub these 'hand spiders' and<br />
be quite comfortable with them hanging out on <br />
the ceiling in the bathroom. But at this point in the <br />
journey they are Thai Vampire Spiders and compel nothing <br />
but tears and screams!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
</div>Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00237807611098985773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3582559714196086371.post-9389350255390245082012-06-20T00:05:00.001-07:002012-07-04T01:13:22.538-07:00Rat Army General vs. Prairie Girl<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Rat Town. I was still reeling from
the phenomenon of ice in the beer glass, flying roaches, and the red wine splattered across my new
shirt. I supposed that the next logical step would be to visit a little place
called Rat Town. <span style="background-color: white; text-indent: 0.5in;">Bonnie was already hoping
off the stoop and heading down the alleyway as she shined a flashlight in to
the sky and shouted, “Onward to Rat Town!!!”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I followed behind Bonnie, but the
process of moving in a straight line was proving slightly difficult. The beer
and wine were working their magic on my overtaxed, jet-lagged body and on my
over-stimulated yet strangely dulled mind. The bouncing glow of the flashlight
had a strangely soothing effect on the otherwise harsh surroundings of the
alleyway. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
It was too dark to clearly see the large amounts of litter lining the
sides of the alleyway. The only reminder of the squalor was the soft rustle of
plastic bags as the breeze pinned them against walls and fences. I could still
smell the sweet stench of rotting fruit but it seemed much less abrasive in the
fading heat of the evening. The soft growl of motorbikes passing seemed much
farther away and a shiny Cheshire cat moon was becoming visible over the flat
top of a three story apartment building. It was beautiful, and I began to feel
smug and warm about my decision for adventure. I had moved, alone, to a foreign
country and here I was taking an evening stroll with two kind people in a
moonlit alley. I felt strong and
renewed. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
My comfortable drunken reverie was interrupted
when I saw Bonnie stop abruptly and put up her hands in a command for Craig and
I to follow suit. Bonnie crouched down and had us join her in a squatting
huddle. “Okay, Rat Town is about six feet away. We have to move quietly so we
have the element of surprise. Also, we have to move in darkness. Trust me, you gotta do it this way to
get the full effect. You guys just follow me and when I stop, line up beside
me.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Craig shook his head and let out a sigh that suggested he had done this
before but was resigned to making the trek again. Bonnie stood up and motioned
for us to line up behind her, back to front. We literally tip toed about six
feet up the alley, keeping a perfect, straight line formation. I realized that
we were headed towards the big blue garbage bins that I had earlier seen the
mangy dog eating out of. I could see the silhouettes of the three garbage bins. The garbage was pilled so high that it had spilled out and around the bins. The
wine was obviously settling in because I remember thinking that, in the dim
moonlight, the garbage bins resembled the three wise men wearing their funny
shaped hats. Bonnie’s hand suddenly shot up and I could see her fingers
silently counting down from five. When she hit zero, she turned on the
flashlight and all hell broke loose.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://encrypted-tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQDVPiRv-1UhfRrx5Kc1VaPHaG2N-5u-bR7_oUED-gitQrQXXLeog" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Think about Templeton from Charlotte's Web...<br />
It is not so bad, just....<br />
Think about Templeton from Charlotte's Web...
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The spotlight shone directly on the
garbage bins and illuminated about 24 beady eyes that stared straight back at
us. That first blast of light froze all the rodents. They turned to look at us
but stayed completely still. These rats were bigger, glossier and angrier
looking than any rat I had seen before. They bulged in the middle, giving
the impression that each of them had acquired a hairy beer gut over the years.
I could even see the paws of the beasts, gnarled mini hands, which clawed at
white plastic bags. Craig shifted his weight and the sound of his foot scraping
on the pavement of the alleyway sent the rat army into a fluster. They exploded
in every direction. Some rats jumped deeper into the bins, some jumped off the
side landing on the over flowing mass of garbage and scurried off into the
vacant lot.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
One rat, he must have been the Rat Army General, (I swear I heard him shout, “Save Yourselves!” to his rat buddies) kamikazied off the front of the
garbage bins and landed on the concrete with a thick thud. He quickly recovered,
gave himself a shake, his beer belly rolling with the motion, and starting
running directly at us. I screamed and jumped behind Craig, nearly pushing him
over with my self-protecting zeal. Bonnie assumed a combat position, her legs
slightly bent and the flashlight following the rat general’s every move. I
thought she was going to kick the rat but when he was only three feet away she
shouted “Run!”, grabbed my shirt and
took off towards our row houses. We
collapsed on the concrete stoop, sitting side by side and laughing, that unique
kind of laugh which is born of fear, pride and desperation.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Shortly after the episode with the
Rat General, we collectively decided that it was time for bed. It was nearing
midnight and I had to meet the boss in the early morning. We stood in a row
on our concrete stoop, each of us searching for our keys. Bonnie unlocked her
pad lock first and whispered good night. I opened my door and the smell from my
pillow, which was still sitting beside my door, hit my nostrils. Craig waved
good night as he disappeared into his row house and I stepped inside and stood staring at my pillow.<span style="background-color: white; text-indent: 0.5in;"> There had been a slight breeze outside, giving the illusion of a moderately cool evening, but the day’s heat had not
escaped my sauna and was still curling around my body.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="background-color: white; text-indent: 0.5in;"> I went to turn on
my fan but quickly remember the jet engine noise it was now emitting and
figured my neighbors might not appreciate sleeping next to a runway. I laid
down in the dark, the moldy smell lingered gently in my nostrils so I tried to
breathe only through my mouth and, after about 5 deep breaths, I was fast
asleep.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://encrypted-tbn3.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTASCz9jaMTpg7cWUWjcTDlczFgzjkg9XfIizBjRqJn2Lh6XiKTHw" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I wish your screen was scratch and sniff.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00237807611098985773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3582559714196086371.post-45585566794332627512012-06-14T02:19:00.000-07:002012-07-04T01:12:15.273-07:00Beer, Ice and Roaches.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: left; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">I woke up four hours
later to complete darkness and a soft rapping at my door. I had fallen asleep
without any lights on and now my wonderful little heat box was pitch black. I
shouted that I needed five minutes but the long nap made my voice sound like an
aging bullfrog. To my great relief the door knocker responded in English, “My
name is Craig. We are just having a couple beers outside join us when you are
ready.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: left; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small;"> I turned the light
on just in time to see a very tall shadow walk past my cloudy window. Craig?
Right, my new head teacher. I quickly rinsed the thick layer of crusty sleep
and sweat off my body with relatively cold water then I went to brush my teeth.
“Dammit” I muttered as I applied toothpaste to my finger hoping to rub off the
layer of film on my teeth. I threw on some clothes, tried to take a quick look
in the mirror, realized I didn’t have one, then took a deep breath and unlocked
my door for the first time that day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: left; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small;">I saw three figures
sitting outside, the tall one must be the head teacher Craig, one was a
smaller, balding man with a kind smile and the last was a beautiful young woman
with curly black hair.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: left; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small;"> “You must be
Victoria!” the woman stated as she shifted over on the concrete curb to let me
have a seat, “I have really been looking forward to you coming, I have been the
only girl for over a month!” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: left; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small;">I didn’t know how to
respond but I was certainly glad she was happy to see me. I sat down on the
curb next to her and the shorter, balding man got up and approached to
introduce himself. When he stood up I noticed he was actually quite short, a
good few inches shorter than my 5’6, and he had a bright, kind smile and
adorable jug ears. “My name is Ira. I’m from New York city, been here around 6
months. Nice to meet you.” Then the tall one, my work superior,
stood up behind Ira and approached to shake my hand. I stood up to greet
him and said rather redundantly “Hi, My name is Victoria.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: left; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small;">“I’m Craig, from
America, you want a beer?” After living inside my own head, which had been
living inside a breezeless sauna, for the past 7 hours, a beer and some company
sounded absolutely wonderful.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: left; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: left; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small;"> <img src="https://encrypted-tbn2.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQ5JiZjM2gqxvPZzVdIoBPXzN9CVE5eKosTtISnL9t--uHqUeDCGQ" /> <span style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><br />“What are you doing?” I
was trying to gratefully accept the offer of beer but when Craig began to put
ice cubes into my glass I had to protest. It was unheard of. I just said no.
Chris laughed at my shocked protest and replied “You can say no to the cubes
but it’s a pretty hot country, as you may have noticed this afternoon, and beer
tends to warm up pretty quickly and then taste like warm piss. The cubes combat
the warm piss phenomena and hydrate you in the mean time. Your choice though.”
Looking around I noticed that everyone had a glass of Singha beer with ice. I
turned back to Craig and I nodded to give the go ahead about the ice and
muttered something inane like “When in Rome…”</span>
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: left; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small;">After about five small
glasses of beer, with ice no less, I was starting to feel much more relaxed.
The girl with the beautiful, black curly hair had told me she was from
Louisiana and her name was Bonnie. She was very easy to chat to so I related my
stories about my hellish stay in the airport and about my traitor fan and
pillow. She laughed hard and made me feel 10 times better. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: left; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small;">It was a wonderful way
to spend an evening, sitting in a narrow, concrete alleyway staring up at the
night sky, bonding with new co-workers and having a drink. I was much more
relaxed now. I was a little put off by the tired, hungry looking dogs that
meandered and skittered by. Some of the older lady dogs had nipples that hung
down like old Christmas bulbs, but they gave us wide berth and I almost managed
to ignore them. “Would anyone like some Canadian wine?” I asked, feeling a
relieved solidarity with my new friends. Ira told me that he was heading off to
bed but Craig and Bonnie were very interested in trying some Canuck vino, so I
went to get it from my room.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: left; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small;">I had just poured each
of us a glass when a giant, shiny, fist-sized cockroach jumped up from the
drain sewer grate built into our stoop and took off running between us and the
row houses. Sensing that it was trapped, the cockroach stopped short, wiggled
it’s finger long antennae, shook out its wings and began flying directly
towards me. I screamed, jumped forward about 5 feet, which landed me on the
opposite side of the narrow alley, and I managed to spill the rest of my wine
half down my shirt and half on the ground. Craig and Bonnie were in hysterics,
laughing so hard both of them were bent over the stoop gasping for
breath. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; text-align: left; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small;">When Bonnie finally came
up for air she looked at me with I dare you eyes and said, “You feel like
checking out Rat Town?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img height="200" 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zyaDXiaC57sbA+SwjN1pX9aV54l51cL5iyVXL3e1fcsj7Vuf2HuzNmR4eJsUTQ1reHeeZJ7SoLaW2WYeTF4iWssUcMbRoC51Okyi+ZMjVZ3FYxtyc4zaEUJ/RSTOedePSP6NriOXUY2r79FGyWxLBOmHqN5Hk++k05thijbyoF5rtsryNp4gjSee6vqtYBwvSmKxYTc8RBhGXKJHDL0bR1czwCTrroPVdcXsSd5DROAC0/4ZbTQQGtGR3DUrnTp1Mm25fg3q7TriMV9zOt49pTyYYh88r25mHK7LxvTgBwWfbUeS/XXQD0C2DerdqZuGmtzHNY1r3GzpTgAOs274niso25BTm8NQfv8A+QlSpwmlZ2XTcZUtwIgNu+5KHLuxuUmq1HZf5K4BdExnpp1TiOO+F8r8lxY204ZMWnT0UWGDztKEhw8AfLzXNg0Pfa94/GF5GlUACLJs9qXIMt33/n0T8DXRYNi43NE7O4kl/Fxs8G8z2UvpLAbWge1ojmieQAOq9pOgrha+Z9gYcvyNA4vAA7STS0dmyBZuAeVH/lct6n+3nLCzlmyyj1oQy8YRpOOOfG4dnKNskx8a6Jn43nyUyFjGF2lJA9zoZJI6OUA24EDiCHXpZOg7FYtl+1FwexmJjBznKHxn4lh5eBWynXVze3pmKzRWRWVyi/4nDh4PHg4DzFFZnutsWTBbRkiLxkkY4tYW9WQgtJYCT7zbcAe5abh8QHi2/wBCD2EclD72bKMkBfHpLC7pYzztupHmAtVkeNy7RmqljMH0yaiNgVfALoo7YW1W4nDslb9IajscNHD1UirE01lFTTTwwQhCYjyUhSlFJkWQ+w9mOjM0k2sskjiXXfzY0jaOwAcu1S1pHFKEksDbyxnteXJBI8kgMY92ho9VpNWsq3Qw4k2jG/JkAdQB0NwxVqP1iaJ8VePaNiw3BPBfRdl6l9Z4LgCO2qv4KJ9nWAAe8kdaNjb7nynO7zoNHks1vusjH7myn2VSl9i7GPRNnspP6TDEupazHki9v4fPhZ283RSeZykj7gvn/eNltY7sseX/ALtfQ0klgg87HqsO2tg6jlZWrS4fwErmat7bIS+x1dH7q5xKW1wFoghLjTQSTwAFn0Xp0dn1XaHSqFdnbroVfkWMPB7wsXCtTwrhx0Pn/VeTHRH5/OgU07BZWloOrTQI7byinc+sZD9hRuIGuvPyrkPHQfFLI4oi5OKd9H1fLX4V965lmor86p7K2qA0sDUWeAqu7VTyiDWC4+zfYYnmgY+6c57nUaIADj94HqtTx+50ETXyF0uWOMuGrCbHIW3W9PVVH2QbOd8pDj7rIM3m8gfda0vbQzuih/8AI/M/93F13ersjfMrNRVGcXKSzlsNRZKM1GL6SKvgtxfmCXPyvAJILARZYHHgQeJI4qA257OXtEk2ZnzMXSEAOA0a4lmU2CTQvXn3rW2hQ++Wmz8TWlwv+6lc9LVH3JclMNVa3jPYw9nW2DiMGC6szHFp7aoFnPsIHkrQVQPZa35hxGuWQtc3gaLG04HmOOh7NNVoCuplurTKtQlGySRT9jwnA418LiOhxbnPh/ZeNSzxIPwHargFD70bM6WAlukkR6SN3MOZ1q8DVHxUjs/FCWJkg4Pa1w+0AU4La9pGb3Ld+RwhCFYVjCbHFuJjioU+OV5N8OjMYArnec+ifKGxh/7jhx/+fFH/AF4dTBQI8FekjQvGIzV1Mt9puh30NT4WE2JFC3ymzvjjEdROkzvefekETS99E65QNO+xSsO5mHrDBzm5XyOc9w0sWeqNP2cvqqltbEibGyfOPkDAyAOoVmkeOlLA3QBrQ4fZOq0mGENFDu+AA/kFRBZm5Gmx7a1ERwTbEQ2E8pBatBlIEwFZfvXs/Ji5QNAXB3iHgE/eVss0Kzv2jYECWJ/67S0+LDY+Dlzv6jDNWV4OloJYsx8mK4qCnEeKc4HDlzg2hfLvJNAepTp+EzPPPU/fYT3B4DKQXXo4cB/NRhPKRsnHDyOsVD7zGlte6LA1p3QtIHG76Z1/tWoNuBJ1HC+rpyFWa82+qskjdaAIdVAG9HfoGDlVEvdaaT4drA1wBIyuLaIHEHLpy/w78LTK4sr78PR1PCtfX+ieYfAl7QTpfjwH/C6YmEEuBBoActRTaFjxUvs2EEgk8Bw4cP8AhKctkWySW5mq+y7CD5OZKN6RA9oZZsdg6wHkrJguvipn8ow2FvpnkPq5o+ymm5eC6DZ8QOnVMjvtEvPwKe7vxnoGuPGTNIfGRxf9xA8lppjthFHNulunJkkoje9l4DEAmrif61YHmpcBNNrMBhfm4Brj3e6QPvV0umVR4kmUP2XuJdIBpWXzbrbT/ECPBaOst9mQBlkbZY8MYWn6vVe1wOjhqCRxWoRk0Lq1Rpf0kX6v9VnPGuqN1NLjRAA4kkaDu8U23fwTocLFG/3mMAOt+V864KQKQLRjnJnzxgVCEJiITGf3jh/8vivx4dTJULj/AO8cPXH5Ni65fTw/NMIN7XtwJxE7GGQYl8GVji2MEYo4dhdI73WjQl5HlwQBaGqK3ix4iiJc4htOLg287mtFlrQNQDzdyHiq5iPacGE1hy5jQSXtnjI6kUE0mWhTgG4hlG9SDw4r37SsU1kAiH6TFPay74MaQSL5C607ylN4i2SrhukkQu4eF6eZ3SCjkMgoUAeq0AdlNcdO9aeAqnuFggGF4Bb1pNDxyu6MxUeYyNB81blCpYiTveZs8gJSlQrCg8Fiqu/uzekwpPONwd5Hqu+/4K2pvjsIJI3Mdwc0tPmFXdD1IOPyW1T2TUj5/i2d84Wi6BJPgSB6aqfwexOoc9jgfXT7nBSMmxWxykSXZLQ6jxq7A8xfknsgaLaBY92rvR3u6jvEY81yqk4xzI7VklLiJV9tRkGhq0Ghdk3lIoHs1J8Qo6RoFuI91rzQvLmDXNjAPPRsX8SndqMa0ENJNW+tdW2HBt8uZ80yOzheWswsAuObmQHVyrQ6nsV0bE+SnbjghosC4xAkVmBbelda5DQHdSkt2tmGVzRVl7mt56ZiAdeellLtGcZMjdaBNjgKDYwB5NOnerFuS1sE+FbL70xfkHAWGGjXfr6hKUd7wT3OEHI0PeE5cJIGaWzo21+2RGPxBScMQa0NHBoAHgBQUbtrXoWfrTx+jLlP4ApQLprs4z6FXKeEOoHgCDXbWo+NHyXVIUxGVbpZRj3teSwh8hY7hTmyFpBPe01qtVWRbNkdHteT3f0kzXB2rS17rpw7PdN8uxatg48rQNR2A6lv7N8ws2mWItfVmvV8yT+UhwhCFpMgIQhAEJjP7xw/+XxX48MpV2HaWlpa0g3YoUb42OBtRWM/vHD/AOXxX48MppAhricPQqNjCToLAoaAWeZFAac6A0WW747Hlm2gwiW8kT3dbk2Iu6RwaBTASCGjX3btavisQI2Oe8gNa0uJ7ABZVL2RhHSxT4qYEOxTmxsB+jEZAwN9NPIqqzngvqbj7i07GwHRRsF3Ucbe/qg/yIHkpBIAlVqKHyCEJUDEpBSrjiHu+g0E8rNDzoEoAq29sTY5Y5C5oDr6p4lwA1aOfLu4KClwozcXcBlGgsHL2dmUequDt2mvbI6Y9JNI3LnrRg5NjB91t69p52qrGHRuySVnZYPeNNfClytXHHHydPSzyv2GOPiAyycQLGg+F8K5G0s+x2sYa5NrsFcDrz1JPmpDFQ/Q90OJB8wb0SS4QPja0OcQXU261AJJ/oufuaXHZs88kFh8Jny9UCtdRZ0PM8STR81bP+k24rCNdZjma/PDL9JrmUGu8Dl1HeldssCYhnMtDT2mgT8SVbsPCGta0cGgD0XQ0KlKUnLwYtXYtqUSA2VtN08sLZRkngEhmZyD6a0EHm0hxIPjzCsgKiPkjZcU9zruNkbWkEtILi57tQewsUrFEGjTz5k+JXURzme1xxTyGnLq7gPE6AnuHHyXZcsQ8hpLRZ5DvPBMRle2mCLbMbA7KPmg5xrUvaQ5zr42XarT8DMS0B4Ac0C6Ng9jmnmCsn9oEjINoRA6u6Njnv0suMjiXH4ceVBaxgGDI0t0BAIHIWLodyprWJS/c1Xcwg/oOkIQrjKCEIQBHzbPLsVFNekcczKrUmR0RBvu6M+qfoXmaQNBJNAAknsA4lAFb3ymMgjwrPencM3cxpH3n4NcpSeAMEETRoHtA8GMc7/aFC7tRPnxUuLkbTD1YLGuT3b49x/jKn39bEtH6kbneb3Brfg1/qqorOWWy4Sj/wBkepUiVWlQiEqEACRKhACKD3h2P0gzs94Cj3hTqRV2VqyO1k65uEtyM865NUbqu0XwJB8K1710hwxL2MZwzAX2GxdK8fIm3YFfd6Llh9lMYSRepvU6X4LlrQS3ZbN394sdHnDbLDHh1k0K5ce300T4pV4mflaSeABJ8ha6kK41rEVgwSk5PkZ7KbfSu/Xlf6NAjH4E/TPZEZEEd8S0OPi7rH4kp4poT7BIUqExGXb9butcHYpwtxxIY5+ukQGVorszg+oV33aY5kfR6mMBroXXfzbxeQnmWnMPDKuu8GzRLhJYgOLHEfWHWb8QF53VxPSYOF3PIL8RYKguJMtbzBfQl0IQplQIQhACWq3vViHTOZgojlfMC6R36sTSM3m46eFqS25tluHjzEZnuIbGwcXvPutA+JPILjsLYpjc+aZ2eeYNzmhTco0YzsaLUJc8InHj3Enh8OGMaxooNAaPAaLhhm3NKf3bfRpd/uKeJpgR1pT2yn4MaFIiPEIQmIEIQgASWlQgASJUIARKhCAETPaxuItHF5DB9o07/TmTxMXjPOByiF/bcCB6Ns/aCTGh60L0kSpiBCEIAQhV7dVvRPxGHJ/RylzfqSdYKwqt7Ub8nxseJv5uXLBL+yTrG+/Gh5qL7TJx6aLKhIEqkQBCEIAjcbsZkk0Ux9+HNlvVtO0dp29h4qRAQlQPIJpgeMn7w/hanaa4T3pPr/7GpAOkIQmIEIQgAQhCABCEIAEIRaAOOKxAYwuPIcOZPIDvJoea8YGAtb1veccz/rHl4DQeS4RO6Z+YG42E5exz+Bd3hvAd5J5BPwEhioQhMQIQhAAme1dmtxEL4pLyvFGtCOYIPaCAU8SFAdETu1tB0sNSaSxOdHIOeZhrNXLMKd5qXCg9kkDGYtoHEwu8SWUfwqbCjF5RKawxUIQpEQQhCABNsOKfIO1wPkWgfyKcrk+KyCNCPiOYSA6JUITAEIQgAQhCABCEIAEhCVCAPLWAChoBwC9IQgAQhCABCEIAEhSoQBFYTY5ZiJZs9mUMBGUD3AQOfepQJaQklgbbYIQhMQIQhAAhCEACEIQAIQhAAhCEACEIQAIQhAAhCEACEIQAIQhAAhCEACEIQAIQhAH/2Q==" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="150" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">He can fly. In your mouth. (Theoretically)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
</div>Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00237807611098985773noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3582559714196086371.post-91374546866823372552012-06-06T23:43:00.002-07:002012-07-04T01:11:34.001-07:00A Room with a Fan<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Moving the large, sky blue,
standing fan from the front room to the bedroom, I settled in to rest. The
adrenaline was wearing off and the jet lag setting in. I grabbed a guidebook
from my bag and settled in to read, for the umpteenth time, about cultural do’s
and don’ts. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I took my time arranging the
pillow for optimal comfort. The warm air from the fan slowly dried the water
droplets on my bare legs and I felt almost cool, such a welcome respite. I
opened my book and laughed as the air from the fan blew it closed. Opening it
again, I tried to position myself as a buffer against the breeze, which worked
for a moment but then I had to brush my tickling hair out of my face and as
soon as I let go of the book the pages fluttered in the breeze and I lost my
place again. I was unwilling to turn the fan to a lower setting, unwilling to
let go of the relative level of comfort I had achieved, so I put the book down
and tried to drift off.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://encrypted-tbn1.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSRSw1W4R0GdTo03xpBHUtyWBl200F2GP11OotfJjtYmCUcl9HeIw" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I love you so much I hate you.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The fan was still blowing my hair
all over my face making me itchy and annoyed. I tried to pull my hair back into
an impenetrable pony tail but small strands were constantly breaking free and
dancing around and in my nostrils. In exasperation, I buried my face in my
pillow. Not a good idea. I got hit with such a strong waft of mildew and mold
that I threw up a little in my mouth. Gagging, I tossed the pillow across the
room knocking over my sky blue fan which crashed with such a loud bang that I
went from the prone position to standing, purely on defensive instinct. The
face of the fan had dropped off and one of the blades was broken and was now a
jagged weapon, still rotating on the highest setting. The jagged, screeching
fan was positioned between me and the wall socket. I stood on the bed preparing
myself to jump over the treacherous beast that I had just been looking upon as
a savior. With a shout I launched myself off the bed, slipped on the
pillow I had just thrown and slammed straight into the door frame.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
My collision with the door frame
jammed my index finger, which was already turning a murky shade of green, but I
managed to unplug the fan and saved my flesh from being chopped up into tiny
bits. Dammit. I was sweating again from all the excitement and exertion. I
angrily grabbed the pillow, which I justifiably blamed for this whole mess, and
examined it for the source of that rancid stench.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
As soon as I took off the
pillow case, the source of the stench became clear. The pillow was no longer
white but a soft shade of yellow that seemed to blend into a deeper brown stain
at certain points. I could almost see the outline of the stranger’s face that
had sweated and drooled its way into being permanently indented on my pillow.
Dotted amongst the outline of the face of my unknown guest was undeniable mold.
It ranged from green to black and from flat to fuzzy. My pillow was alive.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I suppose at most times in my life,
encountering a pillow that had a life of its own would be a laughing matter;
something to joke about with friends over beers that night. Today it didn’t
seem so funny. I was hideously jet lagged, I could feel the lack of sleep
pooling in dark clouds under my eyes, my baby toe still throbbed a little from
the renegade shampoo bottle, and now my index finger was turning green. I felt
like I had already failed in my new ‘confident adventure girl’ persona and my
only task so far had been to unpack my bags.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Recalling the mangy dog with the
appetite for plastic I decided that a trip to the blue trash barrels would be
too difficult a task, so I merely placed the pillow by the door with the
intention of throwing it out later, when I had regained my confidence. I
replaced the face of the fan but because of the broken blade it made a hideous
jet engine noise when I turned it on. Even at the lowest speed it sounded like
there was a Boeing 747 in the room. I made a makeshift pillow out of my hooded
sweater and settled down for a nap. I decided to quit fighting the heat and
instead treat it as a large blanket helping lull me to sleep.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="data:image/jpeg;base64,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" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I kicked this guy out of bed.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
</div>Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00237807611098985773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3582559714196086371.post-13903752026757085522012-05-30T00:22:00.002-07:002012-07-04T01:10:05.552-07:00Finger Brushing in a Row House<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Here we are. Just gotta walk the
last thirty feet because the car cannot fit.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
My new boss gallantly grabbed my
backpack from the trunk. The backpack looked much more proportional on his six
foot frame as he forged ahead down the increasingly narrow alleyway. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
We had
parked just ahead of three chest high, blue trash cans that were overflowing
with plastics bags. I was staring at the obvious eye sore when one crashed down
and a victorious looking street dog grabbed a mouthful of plastic and scurried
off into an empty lot. The sudden movement of the trash pile caused the slow
yet penetrating scent of rotting fish, death and sour fruit to reach my
nostrils. Mixed with the oppressive heat it smelt like someone had taken the
lid off some kind of cannibalistic crockpot. My ‘illusion of normalicy’ bubble
had officially burst. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://encrypted-tbn1.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR3hPRY-yYyEmK7UgCpwl_AQrW8sys3gnAcndUF-J2ejn4kYb3FJg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Thar she blows....</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">My new boss stepped up onto a concrete
slab and began to fiddle with the padlock on my new front door. The housing
unit consisted of 5 single story row houses (with 5 more in the back). Mine was number three. I stepped
through the door and was happy to see a clean, rather clinic looking room. The
heat was no less oppressive than it had been outside but it was nice to put my
bags down with some sense of finality. My boss gave me the grand tour, </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“This
is the living room, This is the bedroom, and here is the toilet.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Looks good”
I replied, “It has a bed and a toilet. All you need really!” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I was still affecting
my tough girl stance on conquering developing countries standards of living.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“I
will leave you to unpack and settle in.” My new boss continued, “The head
teacher, Craig, will stop by later to check on you and introduce himself. I
will pick you up on the main road tomorrow morning at 8:00. We will go for a
special Thai breakfast before we start your training.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I thanked him profusely
for picking me up from the airport and handed him a bottle of Canadian wine and
a Saskatoon Berry Jam gift package. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
“Thank you very much” he said as he
accepted the package, “this is very thoughtful of you but, my wife and I
don’t drink, so please keep this and share it with the teachers. They definitely appreciate alcohol in all its forms.”<br />
My boss stepped off the concrete slab
of a patio and headed toward his car. I watched him reverse his way out of the
narrow alleyway, no small feat, then I went into my new home to unpack.</div>
I unpacked a few things, hanging up
a few work shirts and skirts that Mum had bought me before I left, but I was
still really hot. I decided to take my first shower in Thailand. Seemed like an
exciting notion; my first shower in my first overseas home. I grabbed my towel,
toothbrush, toothpaste, shampoo and conditioner but when I reached the bathroom
and tried to put my armload of stuff down I realized that something was
missing.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
First, there was no shower. There was a shower head, but was it was
just attached to the wall, there was no actual shower. I went to put my stuff
down on the sink instead and realized with slight alarm that there was no sink
as well. Determined, I lined my shower stuff up on the toilet tank, peeled off
my funky clothing, and turned on the shower. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
A soft trickle of clear, scent-free
water came down and flowed directly onto and into the toilet. This soft trickle
was powerful enough to knock the shampoo and conditioner off the toilet tank
and onto the floor, squashing my baby toe in the process. It also managed to
knock my toothbrush directly into the toilet bowl. Never being much afraid of germs, I
fished my toothbrush out with my bare hands and threw it in the trash can.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I
proceeded to have a decent shower, stand-straddling the toilet in a kind of ‘exotic
dancer riding a porcelain horse’ stance. It was only when I was finger brushing
my teeth that I remembered where my hand had just been.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I was still under the impression
that I had moved into a large sauna, but I managed to make it feel a little
more welcoming. The row house only had one slated window in the front wall. The
glass was cloudy and I couldn’t be sure if it was by dirt or design, but it
effectively obscured my view of looking out and any curious passerby’s view of
looking in. This gave me the freedom to create my own little nudist sauna. I
pranced around naked, hot and happy. I tacked a few pictures from home onto the
wall. It was the usual photographic documentary of best friends, parents, my
younger brother, and the family dog.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Staring at the wall of ‘people of who love
me’ I realized the small absurdity of moving so far away from such a wonderful
support group, but I was seeking adventure and all the wonderful and fabulous things that I was sure Thailand had in store for me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
My new exotic life in a new exotic location.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
As I sat in front of the fan, set to
the highest speed, it dawned on me that this shabby, sinkless row house was my
new life. I decided to take a nap.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="http://www.csmngt.com/400spray.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Don't worry, the ass hose saga cometh.....</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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</div>
<br />
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<br /></div>
<br />
<br />Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00237807611098985773noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3582559714196086371.post-33257693982777594152012-05-22T23:53:00.002-07:002012-07-04T01:10:44.165-07:00Fragrant, Twitchy and Tongue Tied.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://encrypted-tbn2.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSITFc3oY29nEFs6yix2W81uDawrPMgBSWKVDIAr31Rxs_Gp_Pg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://encrypted-tbn2.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSITFc3oY29nEFs6yix2W81uDawrPMgBSWKVDIAr31Rxs_Gp_Pg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm on the highway to......</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The 30 minute car ride to my new
apartment was a blur. I tried to focus on making a good impression while
stealing glances out the window in order to begin absorbing my new
surroundings. It was a lot flatter than I expected, resembling faintly the
horizon view of my prairie hometown, except the colors were different. It was a
blanketed color of lush, rich green. Where there were fields of wheat or canola
back home adding hues of golden yellow, there was only green palm tree fronds,
green rubber tree leaves, and covering the earth was thick green vegetation
that I imagined was full of snakes and giant scorpions.<br />
<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">This bright green was only dulled by a few streaks of brown. A dead palm frond here, couple tree trunks there.</span><br />
<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Occasionally, there was
a shock of red earth. The wind gently lifted the red dust and it mixed in with a transparent heat wave shimmer which danced over and around anything stationary. </span><br />
<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;"> I suddenly realized that my
new boss was speaking and turned my gaze to him just as he said, “So, that is
about eighteen hours.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Confused I apologized, “Sorry, I missed the first bit.
Eighteen hours of what?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">I saw a quick flash of doubt enter his eyes.
“I was explaining that you will be teaching eighteen hours a week.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;"> I made a
quick, lame joke about how, when you are used to forty hours a week, eighteen
must feel like a walk in the park. A flicker of mischievous humor crossed his lip as he replied “Yes, pretty much a walk in the park. Except it is
over 35’C in this particular park.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">I held my arms closer to my body, so my
fashionable sweat stains were less noticeable, and attempted a fearless laugh,
but I was pretty sure he could smell my fear just as easily as he could
smell my traveler’s perfume.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">The car grew silent for a while and
I was free to study Thailand from the car window. I felt a bit as if I was
visiting a giant aquarium. From the safe bubble of the car I felt comfortable,
unchanged, as if I had walked into the largest attraction at the aquarium but
would soon step out on the other side into the daylight of the town I knew.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">After all, I
was sitting in a lovely, clean, four door sedan, listening to Sigur Ros and had
just finished having an English conversation. The only thing throwing off this
illusion of 'things as normal' inside the car was the fact that the steering
wheel was on the wrong side. This was causing me to have irrepressible spasms
each time I saw a large pickup truck hurtling towards us from what seemed to be
the wrong side of the road.</span><br />
<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Also, I was trying desperately to hide my urge to constantly kick at
the ghost brake pedal, but despite my efforts, my new boss seemed to notice the twitching and gave me
a sidelong glance that was mixed with both pity and trepidation.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;"> He was being a
gracious new boss, offering his knowledge of Thailand and trying to get to know
his new employee. I imagined him going home to his wife and her asking about
the new girl. ‘What’s she like?’ </span><span style="text-indent: 0.5in;"> </span><span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Fragrant,
twitchy and tongue tied would surely be his response.</span><br />
<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">.</span><span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">I jumped out of this
daydream just as we turned off the major road and into a narrow alley. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br />
Apparently, I was home.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://encrypted-tbn1.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQeb-wOmFu9mguK7EszZiu0ihaveKWtz8mVLNayu8kNBfHOPI-Usg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Thank god he didn't pick me up in this.<br />
(also thank god the guy in this pic was not him.)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<br />Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00237807611098985773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3582559714196086371.post-32670739673938557002012-05-20T00:31:00.000-07:002012-07-04T01:09:25.794-07:00Sweat Stained Young Professional<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
</div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"> <a href="https://encrypted-tbn1.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSDDAzkGE57LyDGPs_1VqLjcVpoZ17D-sno0RktdORhnP8roIXBYA" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://encrypted-tbn1.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSDDAzkGE57LyDGPs_1VqLjcVpoZ17D-sno0RktdORhnP8roIXBYA" style="text-indent: 0.5in;" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> 360 degree sweat!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
My connecting flight from B<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">angkok to the relatively small
town of Surat Thani in Southern Thailand, took a little over an hour. I was
looking haggard. My new boss was picking me up from the airport and I had hoped
to present myself as an eager young professional; fresh, clean and ready for
this new adventure. I had imagined myself tucking my hair shyly being my ear
and then flashing a bright smile as I chirped my thanks for being given this
wonderful opportunity. In reality, I was exhausted. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;"> I had spent the night in
the Bangkok airport because I was much too apprehensive to think about
venturing away from the relative comfort of such a cookie cutter facility. This
caused me a small amount of shame because I felt I was already tip toeing away
from the ‘full’ experience. (The 'full' experience being what 'travellers' and not tourists do. Or so I had read.) I soothed myself with the knowledge that it was
only the first day. As I stepped out of the plane and onto the rickety steps
leading down to the Surat runway, the full blast of midday heat bitch-slapped me in
the face. I began to regret that I was facing this day on only a few stolen
hours of sleep.</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Had I ventured farther outside the
airport doors at Suvanamaboomerang and realized the extent of the brutal, relentless heat that is an
everyday companion to Thai life, I would have taken a minute to gaze fondly at
my frozen drool. I had chosen to complain, rather than cherish, the frozen
tundra of Survanamaboom and now I was trudging across the heat blanketed tarmac
of Surat Thani airport. Within the three minutes it took to walk to the
terminal I was dripping sweat. Literally dripping. I had experienced the
literary phenomenon of dripping sweat before, notably after hour long soccer
matches in the middle of summer, but never in my life had a 3 minute walk ended
with salty tendrils of sweat rippling down my back. I did a discrete visual of
my armpits only to be greeted by an unpleasant waft of ‘eau de three day
travel’ and large coffee mug sized rings
of damp material. I was not excited to
be meeting the new boss man in such a state of unhygienic disarray but I forged
on, two hands grabbed my man-sized backpack off the turnstile (which I am sure
caused a few more salty droplets) and headed toward the pick-up area.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br />
When questioned over the phone
about how I would recognize him, my boss had replied with humor ‘Oh, don’t
worry I will be the only six foot, bald, white guy.” Sounded easy enough, but I
was still a little worried that perhaps we would miss each other and I would be
stranded in a small city in Thailand with no idea of where to go or how to get
there. I should not have worried. As I passed through the smoked glass door
into the waiting area I looked up and spotted him immediately.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br />
He was not the
only six foot bald white guy but he was, in fact, the only white guy. I walked
toward him with my man-sized backpack teetering precariously. I smiled, a large
sense of relief washing over me, then I realized that something else was
washing over me as well. Sweat was now dripping directly into my eyes, courtesy
of the extra effort required to carry my gargantuan back pack. Just as I
reached up and palmed the sweat off of my forehead my new boss thrust out his
hand in greeting. Reaching out to shake
his hand I quickly realized that the slime of sweat that now coated my hand
might not be an appreciated exchange of fluids. I quickly wiped my hand on my
jeans creating a perfect hand sized imprint of damp material. I looked up, faced
flushed with heat and embarrassment, as my new boss man smiled knowingly and
said ‘Welcome to Thailand.’<br />
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://encrypted-tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTTEwQ-lNZoPU5MT9J2nWLlslNYopQJas5r1pz0jeXMohWGZ8Ix7A" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">They call it International, but it only flies to Bangkok. <br />
First taste that not everything in Thailand is what it seems...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="data:image/jpeg;base64,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" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The sun that is causing those shadows is not the same<br />
sun that I knew from Saskatoon. This sun is stranger.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
</div>Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00237807611098985773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3582559714196086371.post-31528590391496039322012-05-14T00:18:00.000-07:002012-07-04T01:08:47.503-07:00Mena Suvarinamaboomi?<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> Mena Suvarnaboomi</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Space age Bangkok airport. <br />
Maybe the culture shock won't be so bad...</td></tr>
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<br />
<br />
<br />
I was sitting in Bangkok’s new airport
and it was certainly much bigger and more modern looking than the one where I
had drank my last Tim Horton’s coffee back in Saskatoon. Hell,
the name was even longer, Suvarnamaboom, or something like that. It seemed to
be spelt differently everywhere I looked. I started to feel shaky and uncertain. I was having a kind of first world meltdown because many of my pre-conceived third world notions were quickly evaporating.</div>
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<br />
In order to steady myself I perched on a
hard grey bench, directly in front of a monstrous air conditioning unit, and
focused on faking a desperate need to rummage through my carry- on bag. A clean
cut, middle age man in a collared yellow shirt sat down beside me. I heard a
quick snippet of a song I didn’t recognize and he reached for his cell phone
from his back pocket. His cell phone was certainly smaller, and more modern
looking, than any one I had seen back home. With a quick tap of his index
finger he answered the call, put the phone to his ear and said, ‘Hallo?’ What
followed was such a quick flurry of Thai that I did not recognize one word.
Well, besides the word hello, which I had spent the past two weeks attempting
to learn to speak in Thai, a lesson which was now proving completely unessential.<br />
<br />
I was starting to
realize that perhaps you can’t really prepare yourself for Thailand while you
are walking through snow covered streets in Canada. Point taken.</div>
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<br />
The
truth is that during my entire time in Survanamaboom (or whatever it was), I
had stayed very close to the original grey bench of refuge. The positive side was that it was in a quiet
part of the airport with only two gift shops and a row of five coin operated
internet machines nearby. I had created a comfortable area using my extra long
sleeved shirt wrapped around my Lonely Planet book as a pillow. My carry on was
wrapped around my wrist for added protection and my passport and credit card
were safely stored under my shirt in one of those lame money belts that had me
patting my stomach every five minutes like an expectant mother.<br />
<br /></div>
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I wiggled into
a comfortable position pulled the sleeve of my shirt over my eyes and tried to
lull myself to sleep with positive thoughts about the new direction my life was
taking. I imagined myself inspiring classrooms of eager children, reading books
under coconut trees and swimming in clear waters surrounded by colorful,
playful fish. My shoulders relaxed and I slowly began to drift off into a
hopeful, dreamy sleep.</div>
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<br />
It was only after a few moments of
peaceful sleep that the enemy presented itself. It eased its ice-cold fingers
up the back of my shirt, taking full advantage of that seductive inch of skin
that reveals itself between your shirt and your jeans once you slightly bend
your knees. The monstrous air conditioner was on full attack. I tried to tuck
my shirt into my jeans but as soon as I nodded off, the inch of skin would
reveal itself and those despicable icy fingers would, once again, creep slowly
up my spine. After an hour of this, I was tired and angry, angry enough to flee
my original grey bench and see what else this place had to offer. </div>
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<br />
The
restaurants were all shut down and there were very few people actually moving
about in the airport. I had full access to whichever sleeping area I wanted.
The only problem was that each bench I encountered was accompanied by it's
looming, hideous partner. I spent the night with my extra long sleeved shirt
stuffed in the back of my jeans and my head directly on my Lonely Planet guide
book. When I woke up, I swear, my drool was frozen to the cover.</div>Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00237807611098985773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3582559714196086371.post-88318417041633221822012-05-13T00:52:00.002-07:002012-07-04T01:08:17.878-07:00A Really Big Oyster. <span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>S</b></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">o I went home. Cried on my Dad's shoulder. Panicked. Realized that without the boyfriend I had no direction. I could literally do anything that I wanted. Anything. I will admit my weakness here. I tried to go back. I back-peddled hard. In a shameful bout of fear I made a last ditch effort to save the relationship. I called. I cried. I may not have begged, but I had very little shame. Shockingly little.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Big girls cry.<br />
They cry longer, harder and uglier.</td></tr>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> This is where the boyfriend gets all the credit in the world. He knew I wasn't ready. He recognized the relationship, not as true love, but as a direction for me. A life preserver in a sea that I was fearful of navigating on my own. He stayed strong. He stayed kind. He said no. I will always be grateful for that.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> So I acknowledged my truth. I could do anything. But what exactly did I want to do? Step one would be moving out of my parent's home. Seemed logical. Move where? As far away as possible seemed like a good first step.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> Some of my friends had taught English overseas. I had all the pre-requisites. I was a native speaker and I had that B.A degree that was proving rather worthless in the workforce back home. This would be a way to use the degree and get a chance to meet Adventure face to face. I had worked in residential children's camps for the spring/summers of the past 5 years. I knew I could teach and most likely do it well.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> So in my brain it was settled. I was moving to a foreign country. I would be a teacher. I settled on a continent that seemed to provide decent money for these services. Asia. I had never been. Even though I had nailed the continent down there are were so many countries in Asia and besides the typical stereotypes and the traditional foods (by traditional, I mean the foods that were on the menus in the 'ethnic' restaurants in Saskatoon.) I had no real idea of what lay ahead of me in any of those countries. Now, instead of the world being just a huge baffling oyster I had narrowed it down to a continent. Which wasn't helping too much.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Then my beautiful best friend, Erica, whose shoulder I had cried on innumerable times, and who was well aware of my little self-indulgent, existential crisis emailed me a job ad she had found. It was for a Language School in Surat Thani, Thailand.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> Traditional town, close to the beautiful exotic beaches, short hours, and cute kids. I sent my resume. Two weeks later I had a ticket in my had.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> I closed my eyes, steeled my stomach and slurped that oyster down.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-x6i6pOPAbk0/T69mhPI_kDI/AAAAAAAAABs/Cu-5m5AZNeY/s1600/oyster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-x6i6pOPAbk0/T69mhPI_kDI/AAAAAAAAABs/Cu-5m5AZNeY/s1600/oyster.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">These taste better as metaphors.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00237807611098985773noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3582559714196086371.post-71266515310662733032012-05-11T22:58:00.002-07:002012-07-04T01:07:26.550-07:00Puppy and Grizzly Poo<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-WfFtfUqNFFg/T63-kktg5rI/AAAAAAAAAAM/oU3v7eBw-EI/s1600/lab.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="171" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-WfFtfUqNFFg/T63-kktg5rI/AAAAAAAAAAM/oU3v7eBw-EI/s200/lab.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-size: small; line-height: 20px; text-align: left;"><b><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span></b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-size: small; line-height: 20px; text-align: left;"><b><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">W</span></b><span style="font-family: arial, verdana, sans-serif;">ith me it started when my ex-boyfriend bought me puppy. I had graduated from University with an Honors English Degree. It was no surprise that that expensive piece of paper gave me no dramatic insight into which direction my life should take. So I did what many girls do..... moved in with the boyfriend. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: arial, verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 20px; text-align: left;"> He lived in the Rocky mountains. It seemed adventurous enough. Got me out of Saskatchewan (a mere one province over, but let us not be petty!) I was ready for my genuine adult life to start. Not in the dreamy way of some girls.... oh, when will he propose?.... when will my uterus become a warm mucousy den for a youngin'....... but more in the way of Adventure. I was ready for an introduction.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: arial, verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small; line-height: 20px; text-align: left;">Instead we cooked pasta. It tasted good. I tried to fight the inertia and climbed mountains alone. That was wonderful, but I had done it before. And it still seemed too safe (except for that one time when I had to stick my finger in the Grizzly poo and found out it was still warm.. ). We started fighting. My sense of waiting for Adventure and never hearing him knock at my door was making me impossible to live with. But I stayed. I didn't realize I was attempting to seduce adventure with subtle eye contact and bashful smiles, when what Adventure really digs is when you grab him by the hand and pull him into the bedroom. And besides the pasta tasted so good.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: arial, verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small; line-height: 20px; text-align: left;">Then one day the boyfriend showed up with a little bundle of joy. A black lab cross with the sweetest eyes and the most endearing stumble run you ever did see. I showed it love (what kind of person can hate on a puppy?), I took it to the mountains. I jogged with the little stumble runner, but to me it was a symbol of boring. A cute little reminder of approximately 12 years of commitment. Blarg. </span><br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-jKOkxoA1aGc/T63-wHjBKMI/AAAAAAAAAAU/vIq5s_9cHbc/s1600/rye.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-jKOkxoA1aGc/T63-wHjBKMI/AAAAAAAAAAU/vIq5s_9cHbc/s1600/rye.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You make me happy.</td></tr>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: arial, verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small; line-height: 20px; text-align: left;">Then one night I indulged in a few to many Rye and Gingers. (I was working on a new theory that Adventure was actively into courting drunk chicks). The boyfriend decided to go out and visit with a friend. I was pouting in bed in one of those ridiculous self indulgent funks that possess me from time to time. Then I heard the cute little yippy bark of the pup. Needed to go outside. I got up and did my own little stumble walk towards the front door. Then I saw the pile of cute little doggy poo. I stuck my finger in it. Cold. That means the boyfriend had actually stepped over the poo to leave and did not pick it up. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: arial, verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small; line-height: 20px; text-align: left;">I stood there for a while and then, with the cute little doggy poo still under my fingernail, I went to the bedroom and began packing my bags.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: arial, verdana, sans-serif; font-size: small; line-height: 20px; text-align: left;">I made the decision. I was going to take Adventure out on a date.</span>Vichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00237807611098985773noreply@blogger.com0